I believe that when we are around someone who we “love” their energy enables us to fully express and connect with our own soul and therefore the loving feelings we feel are actually a type of self-love - us loving ourselves. We think that we love the other person because these amazing feelings arise within us when we are around them, but it is just the intense love we have of self that we are feeling.
This person who we “love” allows us to be us. We can then experience the fullness and uniqueness of who we are which creates the feeling of love.
Unfortunately much of the understandings about love and soul-mates and relationships has conditions and limitations. We believe that if someone does something in particular for us or says something nice then it means they love us. We attach these understandings to our relationships and then are disappointed when the person we love doesn’t live up to expectations through their actions.
Now I don’t believe we should ever put up with being treated badly for one second! Not even if we believe that we love this person. And how could you believe that you loved someone who couldn’t allow you to be yourself, fully expressed. If they did allow you to be you, then you would not feel as if they treated you badly in their presence.
Sometimes the person we “love” does act as a mirror for what we need to address within us. So it will feel like they push our buttons and irritate us at times, but with a broader or higher understanding of their role in the relationship and a solid connection to who you are, then this will be seen as a welcome exchange and not something that requires conflict.
Every relationship that we have is divinely perfect to help us understand more about who we are.
It may seem like we have some bad relationships and some good ones, but they are all perfect. Even the “bad” ones that don’t live up to expectations teach us so much about ourselves. And if you don’t learn what you need to learn about yourself, then you will be given another relationship (and sometimes multiple relationships) which allow the same patterns and issues to surface until you learn what you need to about yourself. It is always about you… we are all the centre of our own universes. Relationships do work both ways though, so you will learn something valuable about yourself and the other person will also learn something valuable about themselves. It is a perfect system!
When you do feel that special bond with someone and you notice that you are able to be fully you without any censorship or holding back, then it feels wonderful. You feel wonderful because you are experiencing your uniqueness expressed. The other person allows you to be the person who you are – there are no games or pretending.
At the end of the day it really doesn’t matter who this other person is or how long they will be in your life for, it is about your feelings towards yourself that are important. Our relationships just allow us to be closer to ourselves and understand ourselves more deeply.
When we form a relationship we are individual energies that form a joint relationship energy. This joint energy could be seen as a bubble or a separate soul or energy that forms from the energies of both the people in the relationship. This joint energy enables the two individuals to grow within the joint partnership. You should never lose your uniqueness in a relationship, in fact your uniqueness should grow and intensify and get stronger.
Many people do lose themselves in a relationship and instead of the joint energy being separate from each individual, they merge into the joint energy and lose their uniqueness. They like what their partner likes, their friends are their partners friends, their decisions are their partner’s decisions etc. Most people who react like this in a relationship are happy to do so, because they have reasons for not wanting to connect to their own uniqueness. Remember, every relationship we have teaches us more about ourselves.
This is just a theory. I am sure there are many exceptions to what I have described. But if you have ever been in a relationship (romantic, friend or family) with someone who brings out the best in you, who allows you to be you without criticism or judgement, then you will know what I am talking about. Our self-worth however should never be tied up within a relationship. Stay unique, and love who you are – both within and outside of any relationship.
I believe that knowing who we are at our unique soul level holds the key to living an authentic and joyful life. Once we know who we are, we can begin to BE who we are, and then BECOME who we were always destined to be.
Copyright 2023 Paula Vanderzon