To me sovereignty means being my own person. It means standing strong and powerful in the middle of a sometimes chaotic and confusing world, and being true to myself no matter what others are doing or what others are wanting me to do.
Sovereignty has been a goal of mine my entire “spiritual journey” and the closer I get to this goal the more I understand how important it is and the more my idea of what it is has changed.
I once believed that to be sovereign meant to be alone – to stand alone and not let anyone or anything influence me. To set firm boundaries around me and choose who and what I wanted to let into my space. This works to some extent but this method can get a bit lonely. I enjoy interacting with people, learning from others, hearing their stories, being entertained by our joint energies and what new energies we can create from our interactions. I know that I am forever changed by all of these interactions, as are the people who interact with me. It is a beautiful cosmic dance of energies, connections and evolution. If I shut myself out then I miss out on the best part of life which is these interactions and what I learn about myself as a result.
I have spent many years in solitude and I realise the important part this time in my life has been, as it has quieted the noise of the world and let me get to know myself in a deeper way. And then when I reentered the world it was easier to hear what was me and what was the energy of others.
When we rely on the energy of others to inform us of who we are, we are not sovereign. Instead we spend time people pleasing, getting feedback from others, asking opinions, searching for praise, comparing ourselves to others in order to identify who we think we are. This is a false sense of self and will usually result in us defending who we think we are based on the ego protecting the unhealed parts of us from being seen in the world. For example, if we carry deep shame inside of us for something we think we did as a child (maybe we blamed ourselves for a loved ones death or the separation of parents) and we bury this, we hide it from ourselves and from the world so that others can’t know what a “horrible person” we are, and then if this shame is triggered we defend ourselves “it is not my fault!” We are quick to blame the actions of others on our feelings instead of looking within and feeling our shame and guilt (or whatever that core emotion is) and finally processing all the feelings around this core wound. Then instead of having this belief or rule about ourselves, we have an understanding of what and why and then we have love and compassion for ourselves in its place.
When the world triggers us, when someone does or says something that creates an emotieonal response from us it is an opportunity to look deeper. But what most of us do is just create a rule about that behaviour or action or thing, and then just set a firm boundary – that thing is bad, that person is bad etc and cut it out of our life. Intstead there is an opportunity to ask the questions - why is this behaviour causing me to react so strongly? What does this remind me of from my past? Has this happened to me in the past and now I am remembering the hurt and emotion that I never expressed the first time?
This type of self enquiry can lead us to uncovering and understanding old trapped unprocessed emotions and when we finally connect the dots and feel that orignianl pain, shame, hurt, anger, grief, then we never need react to that sort of behaviour from the world again. We become free and sovereign.
Free to be ourselves, our true core self, that is not constantly trying to protect itself from its core wounds, or justify its behaviour because of the unprocessed stuff inside.
We can’t become sovereign without emptying ourselves of all the noise and clutter and anything that we are too scared to face that is still within us. Our pasts will literaly hold us back from becoming our true selves, as we stay stuck in the person who is too scared or ashamed to look truly at what they believe they are, based on the rules they created about themselves and the world from a young age.
Being sovereign also means that we no longer need to search for happiness or meaning in outside things, belongings, approval from others, status, success, money etc. We know that true meaning and fulfillment comes from a deep knowing and awareness of self. We have a type of self mastery which means we don’t just react to the world based on our beliefs/rules, but instead we create and respond to the world based on our understanding of who we are and why we have had the journey we have had. The inner work gives us such a deep and layered understanding of ourselves and therefore the world, and this makes us impervious to the craziness of what is going on around us. In fact we don’t even notice or attract the craziness anymore because we don’t need it as a trigger to bring up the unhealed parts of us anymore.
Life as a sovereign being becomes peaceful, interesting, creative and full of wonder. No matter what anyone around you says or does, you respond (not react from your wounding) with love, compassion, curiosity and eagerness to learn more.
We all have a balance of masculine and feminine energies. Females tend to have more feminine energy and males tend to have more masculine energy. I like to think a balanced human has 60% vs 40% of energy inside of them that they operate from. For example, a balanced female will have 60% feminine energy and 40% masculine energy, and a balanced male will have 60% masculine energy and 40% feminine energy.
Feminine energy is all about FEELING and masculine energy is all about DOING.
We need both feeling and doing to manifest, create, and have healthy relationships.
Some females have way too much feminine energy, in other words they feel too much. If their feminine energy is too high and unbalanced they will attract anything into their lives that enables them to feel and they won’t discern whether it is a good or bad feeling, they just need to feel. So they will often create drama in their lives so they have another thing to feel. And when they are so busy feeling, they won’t have the capacity to take action steps (masculine energy of doing) to change their circumstances so that they feel more positive things in their life.
Whereas a female that has too much masculine energy will find that they are extremely busy all the time. They are always doing things and not spending enough time feeling what is going on within them. Sometimes they are afraid of the feelings inside, maybe it is a past hurt that they haven’t processed yet, or some hard truths about their current relationships that they aren’t ready to face, so they will be ultra busy so they can distract themselves from feeling by doing things. This is a female out of balance.
The same can be said about males. Everything needs to be a balance of DOING and FEELING.
When we are trying to manifest something into our futures we use the energy of FEELING more predominantly and then DOING to action the opportunities that move us towards our goals and dreams. Feeling is such an important energy. Our souls chose to have this physical life so we could feel. And quite frankly the soul doesn’t care what we feel or how we feel it, it just wants to feel something. So if we experience a negative feeling or a positive feeling it is still just as valid to the soul which just wants to collect experiences through feeling.
Feelings act like an imprint or a memory for our soul. So when we are trying to manifest we start out with the feeling that has been imprinted or collected by our soul. It will feel like a soul calling or an alignment. Even though the soul collects both the so called positive and negative feelings, there will be some feelings that just light us up and make us feel wonderful. This is the focus of manifesting.
If you are trying to manifest a relationship, then imagine and feel the feeling of that scenario. If you are manifesting a holiday or a relocation, imagine and feel the weather and location and notice how your body feels when you imagine the feeling of being in that place. It is the feelings that are most powerful and are going to pull you towards experiencing more of those feelings. Feelings are a feminine energy and this is the predominant energy of creation.
Even though the soul wants to experience all spectrums of feeling, it does this so it can navigate itself towards feeling the highest possible feelings aligned with its origins. In order to know itself it also needs to know what it is not. When you experience a negative or unpleasant feeling then you can choose to take action towards a positive feeling because you have the experience or the memory of what a positive or pleasant feeling is for you. This doesn’t mean that you won’t’ experience negative or unpleasant feelings ever again, but you won’t need them as much, when your radar is set to your highest experience. This can change as we all evolve and grow and more and more of our experiences are collected by our soul. We may be yearning for new experiences that we haven't’ had yet and those feelings will direct us to our next action steps.
If you are a female who feels out of balance and is always doing and striving, then you can consciously take steps to bring in more feminine energy. This can be through fashion or makeup or hair. When we look good we feel good! Bring awareness and attention to what clothes make your feel something, and change things to experiment with more feeling. When we stop doing so much, and just sit and be and breathe, we will naturally allow feelings to arise from within us. This is why many females feel the need to schedule “me time” into their days so they can sit and feel and connect with this feminine side of them.
If you are female who feels out of balance because you are feeling too much, then you can consciously take steps to bring balance with masculine energy. Maybe you can take action to move away from relationships that bring way too much unnecessary drama into your life. Instead of just passively feeling the emotions, do something about it. Say no to social events if they make you feel too much, or take steps to leave a relationship if the feelings are constant drama and arguments.
These are basic examples that can be applied to males and females who want to bring balance.
When we are in balance we can use the feeling and doing aspect to bring in new experiences that are more aligned with our next steps in the evolotuion of ourselves. We don’t need to be stuck in the same cycles, we can manifest and move into new experiences by noticing how things feel when we imagine new future possibilities and scenarios.
If someone is tossing up between two job opportunities, then it is good to imagine themselves in 6 months time going to each job, walking into the building, doing their day to day tasks and then noticing how each scenario feels in their body. Feelings will always guide someone towards their highest potential and then the action steps of DOING can follow.
We should not be scared of negative or unpleasant feelings though, as they always teach us something and are very useful for navigating our desires. If we know what we don’t want, it can be easier to figure out what we do want.
When we are allowing feelings to guide us it can be easier to use the energy of surrender to help us navigate life to our highest potential. Surrender lets us give up control of the doing, and just allow feelings to point us in the direction. Surrender allows our higher aspects of self and our guides to take the wheel. If our doing energies (masculine) is too dominant we can tend to control every detail and not allow the wonders of unexpected feelings to pop up and navigate for us.
Balance is the key in manifesting our highest potentials but always lead with the feminine/creative force of FEELING and then the masculine force of DOING can follow.
There is a big election coming up in the USA which is of interest to almost everyone around the world. I have been thinking about the voting process, why we vote, how we vote and thought I would share some of my observations and experiences.
Growing up my parents always voted for a certain political party because as farmers, this political party tended to look after their interests. When I was able to vote I automatically kept voting for this same political party because I liked the idea that they had farmers best interests at heart, even though we moved off the farm when I was 16 years of age, I hadn’t formed any other opinion so it seemed easy and felt good to vote this way.
I have noticed that in America there seems to be a trend in the way people vote depending on where they live. People I follow on social media who live in Hollywood or New York seem to be vocal about a certain political party/leader whereas people I follow who live in central America seem to have a liking for the other political party. I may be totally wrong about this in terms of fact, but it is just a general observation from a non-American. I guess this is because they vote for the party/leader who they believe will look after their interests depending on the industry the work in and where they live – much like my parents on the farm. And in my opinion, this is OK. We determine what is important to us, and how we want to live our lives and then vote accordingly.
Last year I worked for the Australian Electoral Commission – for 3 weeks in a pre-polling booth and then for a few weeks after the election counting votes. I made a lot of observations during this time. When it comes time to vote there are quite a few different ways people deal with the experience. I found that new Australian citizens were the most proud and excited to vote. Often they would take selfies or photos of each other at the polling booth looking very proud to be voting in an Australian election for the first time. They seemed to love and treasure having a voice in their new country. This was quite heartwarming to witness.
But overwhelmingly the majority of voters got their names signed off the electoral role and got out of there as quickly as they could. They really didn’t seem to care who they voted for, if they even bothered to vote at all. And you know, I totally get it! Many of us have lost faith in our politicians and it seems overwhelming and a waste of time to vote for anyone. When we count the votes it is interesting to read all the comments on the ballot papers – there are lots of swear words, derogatory comments about the politicians, and lots of penis pictures….. it gives us some light relief at the end of a very long day at the polling booth. And you can feel the frustration from the voters, unfortunately the politicians never get to read these comments or feel what the people are feeling. The best way to send your message is to actually cast a valid vote – but then who do you vote for…. When it all seems so hopeless!
One day when counting votes a few weeks after election day, I was paired up with a man to do a complicated count. We had to carefully look at each ballot paper and put it in a certain pile according to the order of votes. He held on to a vote and made a comment to me “Gee, you wouldn’t want this person picking your lotto numbers”. I didn’t understand what he meant so I asked him to explain himself “Well, this person picked the winners in losing order. They picked the person who came in last place first and the person who came first, last”. I still didn’t really understand what his point was, so I quizzed him a bit more. It turns out that this man likes to vote for the winner!! During the election he looks carefully at the polls and on election day he votes for the party he thinks will win, because he likes to be a winner and on the winning team. I was totally baffled by this strategy as it was one I had never considered for myself. I explained to him how I voted for the party that I felt would represent my interests and concerns and that I never considered voting the way he did. This was an eye opener for both of us and we both learned something new from each other.
First time 18 year old voters always seem totally overwhelmed when in the polling both. As electoral officers we often have to help people vote – we can’t tell them who to vote for of course – but we often help them fill in the ballot papers correctly and explain how to vote. First time voters often ask for help and you can see the fear and confusion in their eyes. They seem to feel the weight of their voting responsibility but are totally baffled about who to vote for. I am sure they often vote for who their parents vote for (as I did) but hopefully over time they can make conscious votes. But it is great to see them turning up and giving it a go, no matter how daunting it feels to be making decisions about their country.
It can be difficult wading through all the political bull shit that is thrown at us during election time, and sorting out the truth from the lies, but if we can take the time to “feel” what we should do with our vote, it can help. I always like to believe that my vote will make the difference, and when counting votes it is often evident that when it is close that every vote certainly does count. Imagine that your vote is going to decide the election – what “feels” best/right for you in that moment. Make an informed thoughtful decision by all means, but also vote with your heart/feel rather than with logic/reason/mind as you may have a much better voting experience. If we can all vote with a good feeling in our heart, rather than with anger, obligation, confusion and fear, we will not only provide ourselves with a more enjoyable voting experience, but we will be investing that good energy towards our country. So even if you are fed up with the politicians, make your vote in a way that makes you feel good, and this feel-good energy will perpetuate through the polling booths and hopefully to our leaders too. But if you vote with the negative energy, then this is what you will be expecting to get back.
A conscious, feel good vote, no matter who you vote for, will be a winner for everyone.
About a year ago I started feeling like a place somewhere in the world was calling to me. I didn’t hear this, I felt it. Like a pulling, a yearning or a desire to go somewhere. Some nights I would lay in bed and scan the whole world, piece by piece, searching for the place that was calling out to me. I never found it, and never got any logical answers.
A few months later I was watching a TV show on a Sunday. It was one of those house hunters shows where people are looking to buy a new house, narrow it down to 3 and then decide. The town that the person was looking for a house was Princeville on the island of Kauai, Hawaii. This town is near the coastal mountains called the Na Pali coast. The view of the beach and mountains literally took my breath away. I had never seen anything more beautiful.
The next day I spent many hours researching this town and island, finding out more about this place – it had truly captured my heart and my imagination. That afternoon my husband came home from work and after having another stressful day announced that he was ready for a holiday. “How does Hawaii sound to you?” I asked. “Sounds great!” he said. I made an appointment straight away with our travel agent, and a few days later we were booked in to go to Hawaii in July.
I had tried to book holidays to Hawaii in the past but it always came in over budget and so we never got the chance to go. Our travel agent found us some great deals and we were well under budget! Everything flowed so smoothly and easily. Because my heart was longing to experience that magical mountain I had seen on TV I was adamant that we were to stay in the Princeville area. Unfortunately because we were booking so late at the peak holiday season, everything my travel agent had access to was booked out on the north shore of Kauai, but after a few google searches I found something for 2 nights.
Our first day on Kauai (after over 30 hours of travelling) we were to hike up the mountain that had pulled me to her. It was our only chance. Due to a storm the year before, the road to the mountain had been closed because of a landslide, and had only just re-opened, but they had to do maintenance on the bridge, and were closing access again, and we only had one day to experience this hike.
This hike was one of the most physically taxing and yet most rewarding things I have ever done with my body. I think I got my kilometers and miles a bit mixed up – so what I thought was an easy 2km hike in and out – turned out to be a very steep 2 miles in and out. We didn’t pack enough water for the 4 of us, left the food in the car and underestimated the shock of the heat. Despite that, we wowed at every glimpse of the view and when we descended to the beach, loved exploring the caves and resting on the beach. We hiked back to the carpark and had an amazing swim in Ke’ke beach before driving back along the coast towards Princeville.
We stopped at a few caves and beaches along our drive. I had taken my hiking shoes off and was wearing some sandals. One of the beaches that we wanted to see was accessed by a steep sandy walkway with lots of tree branches underfoot. I twisted my ankle. I heard a loud crack and sat down straight away. While waiting for my family to come back from the beach I sat on the edge of the track and saw my ankle swelling up. First day of our holiday and I had sprained my ankle (luckily it was after the most important hike).
I iced my ankle for a few days and bought a pull-on bandage which I wore for most of the rest of our 2 week holiday. This injury did not stop me from enjoying the rest of the holiday. But what it did do was make me very conscious of every step that I took. I made sure I was stepping firmly and intentionally. It really slowed me down enough to appreciate every step that I was taking on the amazing islands of Hawaii. I felt more connected to the earth with every intentional step.
We spent a week on the island of Kauai. After our 2 nights in Princeville, we moved to the south shore of Kauai and 6 nights at Po’ipu beach. On our last night in Kauai I was lying in bed almost asleep and had a vision. The mountain of the Na Pali coast that had drawn me to her, was present. I thanked her for everything that she had given to me, everything that she had helped me learn about myself. I had a whole list of things that I was thanking her for. Then to my surprise she asked me what I was going to give her in return, to repay her for everything she had given to me. I was shocked! What could I possible have that she would want? I then looked down into my heart centre and noticed that it was full of large sparkly diamonds. I reached in and pulled out one of the diamonds and I offered it to her. She very excitedly and gratefully accepted this diamond and placed it inside of her – I then became her and she became me. It was a truly amazing experience.
I think that when we are drawn to physical places it is because we have something to offer. We become one with the land – we take and we give – in a perfect circle of life experience.
When I told a friend about this experience she commented that surely I would be back to this place again after such a strong connection with the land. I agreed with her at first, but then I wasn’t so sure. Maybe this is all that the mountain and I needed from each other, maybe our connection and our exchange was the purpose and we won’t need to do it again.
I woke this morning with a sense that everything had changed.
Last week I was questioning everything. It was a type of existential crisis…. Wondering what the point of life was, being around people who had a specific view of life and knowing that their view (which is the view of the majority) just wasn’t a good fit for me, but having no idea what was a good fit for me.
This type of self reflection and enquiry is not new for me, but it took on a new perspective, coupled with lower back pain which I have not experienced for many years, I knew my foundations were being rocked and challenged and a new way would become clear for me soon.
I connected to the flow of my life this morning. I usually see this as doors opening wide, and a stream or flow of energy that is MY life force, coming from MY soul and from MY source energy (which originates from the one source/flow that we all come from). Normally I feel this flow strongly and just work on opening the doors as wide as they can go so I am open to every opportunity that comes my way.
This morning was different. The doors opened wide but there was no flow of energy, no movement, just an empty space. I stayed in this space, watching and waiting, and after awhile a new “flow” or energy came from my heart space and started to flow into the space.
Everything has changed.
The way we thought our lives were playing out may no longer be the case. There were so many new “things” ahead (I can’t make out any details, just a sense that this is all brand new, and my mind won’t be able to comprehend or make any sense or have a frame of reference to the details), and there was a very powerful new flow, slow and strong. Just like Aladdin entering the Cave of Wonders for the first time, we could feel overwhelmed at what is presenting itself to us as it is the first time we have ever seen or felt anything like this before. But we will be guided to what we need to pick up and experience in this new world.
I feel that we just need to step onto our life raft that is floating in our flow, and let it carry us to the opportunities that await us. It is no use forcing or pushing or controlling anything in our life anymore. This might still work for some people but for many others who have opened their hearts to the higher energies and processed their denser vibrations/past events/emotions etc, there is a newness that we won’t be able to get our little logical minds around.
Maybe the last few weeks have been challenging for you as more past emotions came up to be processed, or maybe your goals just aren’t working out like you had planned, or maybe you just feel like you don’t fit in your current life anymore. This could be because this new energy or your life flow was starting to build.
I don’t know what happens next, but I feel comfortable knowing that we just have to have faith and trust in our OWN inner knowing to guide us through this change and into the next step.
It also feels exciting. Change can be scary, but this feels like the type of change we have all been waiting for (maybe even praying for). The type of change that is going to rewrite our futures and give our hearts everything they have every desired (note: this may be very different from what your minds have desired, feel the difference – the heart usually doesn’t want new cars, bigger houses or more money!). The heart usually wants peace, belonging, fulfillment, service, empowerment, freedom, flow, ease, joy etc. I think this will be easier for us to obtain now.
As with every change there will be steps forward and steps backwards, confusion, and some angst. Spend as much time as you can with your inner wisdom (meditate, deep breaths, relax, have fun, laugh and play) and you will feel that you are being guided to exactly where you need to be, when you need to be there in this new energy, new life flow, and new world.
I believe that knowing who we are at our unique soul level holds the key to living an authentic and joyful life. Once we know who we are, we can begin to BE who we are, and then BECOME who we were always destined to be.
Copyright 2023 Paula Vanderzon